Thought Bubbles

Chester, My Enemy…

I, Daphne the super dog, have defeated the loathsome, the mean, and the evil Chester. I’m a big American Staffordshire Terrier mix and I have 2 sisters, Cali and Bree.

We have been trying for years and years to stop Chester from peeing on our fence well, really my owners fence, but I like to call it mine! Every time he walks by I feel anger rising up in me because he comes up pees on MY fence and walks away snickering. I growl and bark to try to chase him away but, nothing happens. Frustrated and squinty eyed, I tried barking, growling, and running at him to intimidate Chester, but nothing ever worked until today…

I’ve just finished savoring my  melty, my fantastical, my celebratory cheese in all its gooey glory. I think the cheese was melted Manchego Cheese but, I’m not sure. Cheese is one of my favorite foods along with salmon, any kind of meat, and PEANUT BUTTER! When we do something good, we get a treat and this time it was the mouth watering cheese.

Now, I’m standing by the fence wagging my tail crazily because the BBCP, the Bye Bye Chester Plan  worked out. It feels like eating a peanut butter cheese ball, or getting first place in a competition that you always deserved, or feeling so happy it’s like being blown up like a balloon. It sounds like a ding when you get the math problem right, or the crinkling of a bag about to open and give you some treats, or like trumpets playing in your honor.

“ Hey! What was that for?” Cali asked.

“What did I do…” I replied.

“You hit me with your tail!”

“Oops… Sorry,” I barked. I honestly didn’t mean to but, before for I could explain that to Cali, she swiped me on the nose.

Before his defeat Chester should have remembered these things about me:

  • I’m big
  • I have a LONG memory and still remember when he nipped me on the nose when he greeted me (and I yelped, I’m not to proud to say)
  • And that I have 2 (sometimes faithful) sidekicks Cali and Bree.

Things I remember about him:

  • He is small
  • He has a poofy tail
  • A snooty demeanor
  • And he has annoyingly clueless owners (who think Chester is my friends. Ha! They also won’t listen to anyone saying that fact is not true!)

But, this is all later in the story…

One sunny late afternoon at 107 Alta Mesa Rd. Woodside, California, Bree, Cali and me were plotting a way to sneakily escape the extra fence to get to the real fence, then to escape. Bree made a map with all the important landmarks including: the extra plastic and metal  fence, the real  pokey wooden fence, every single mangled (and not so mangled) bush and shrub near the fence, the road, our escape route, and most importantly Chester. Also, Cali made a list with with every single scent that Chester could smell like.

This is what the list looks like:

  • Shampoo mixed with dust and asphalt
  • A nasty groomer stench
  • And if snooty could have a smell there would be that too

Why? Because we know Chester will be walking by himself today, how do we know? Just thank neighborhood gossip! Anyway, we want Chester (now on called “the devil” because his name is too bad to speak) alone so we can tell him “Stop peeing on our fence, you evil, evil dog-like creature!”

Cali told to me earlier, “ He is too bad to be called a dog!” Bree and I agreed, so we are now calling him a dog like creature, instead of a dog.

“ Shall we make our first move?” I asked Cali (she planned the “getting over the fence” thing. Since she is the master of escaping).

“Ready Set… GO!”  yipped  Cali.

I flattened the first fence, Cali and Bree climbed over it and I followed suit. Then some how, ( just by chance ) the gate into the driveway with just a little nudge, swung open!

“Woo whoo!” we shouted.

“Here he comes! Here he comes!” Cali yipped in an excited whisper. “ The devil” came sauntering up the road, pompously and confident.

“All by himself,” noted Bree.

“Just perfect…” I whispered. Cali and Bree made the first move.

“Hello Chester… nice to see you out alone,” Cali stated.

“ Umph,” snorted Bree.

“ Nice to see you too… NOT!” smirked “The devil”.

“ Move in,” Cali whispered, just loud enough for Bree to hear. Then, Bree went into her “tough dog” mode, by putting her hackles up and becoming partly less fearless.

They started getting closer and closer to Chester, finally cornering him into our fence. Then when “ the devil ” was nervously barking away nonsense, I sneaked up and said,  “I have something important to say you evil dog who pees on my FENCE!”

“ Oh really… Well I don’t care,” snarled Chester.

“Cali, Bree give him a little whack on the nose!” I calmly barked.

“Huh?” whined Chester.

Cali lifted a left paw and took a little swipe. Bree did the same with her right paw! The two continued taking swipes until they could see that  Chester was ready to listen.“ Now… listen. You will NEVER try to pee on my fence ever again!” I   barked.

“Or  else…” Chester  taunted.

What a dumb dog to try and threaten me!  “He’s a nasty dog!” – My spin on one of Donald Trump’s quote.

“ Cali and Bree will keep whacking your nose!”I retorted. By that time, Cali and Bree were sneaking up behind Chester, ready to whack if needed. Chester rolled his eyes and pretended not to care, but he tucked his tail…

“Fine, fine, I swear,” sighed an exasperated devil of a dog! Who was now getting pretty bored with this interrogation. His mind was wandering to his driveway… Who’s there? Are my owners safe?    

“ Now leave my territory for once and for all!” I happily  yipped in triumphant glory. Then Chester unhappily stalked away back to his house in disbelief. Horrified, shocked and ashamed that he let Daphne, frighten him like a little puppy, like a… like a… CHIHUAHUA! Uhhhg!  Now this, was unbearable.

Just then, we smelled the tantalizing smell of cheese. So, logically we came running back up to the house to get some. Anna was there so, she gave us all some cheese and started congratulating us on our accomplishment!

“ How did you know we defeated him?” I asked.

“Because I saw the end of your battle! By the way, great whacking Bree and Cali! You all did great!” Anna explained.

Dogs and puppies, that’s how I became super dog by defeating the loathsome, the mean, and the evil Chester ! The best part is the fence still remains the same with the dirt slope, that is not too far from the road, but better yet, there will never be a dog called “Chester” ever there again!

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2 Comments

  1. Donna January 3, 2017

    Hi Anna,

    I know this story is fiction but I definitely don’t want to get on your bad side. Your dislike of the evil Chester is palpable. On a different note, I especially like how you describe the plotting and strategizing of Bree, Cali and Daphne. I’m glad they prevailed in the end!

  2. Marco January 3, 2017

    This is one of my favorite short stories ever! I love the snout-whacking by Cali and Bree. If only this was real…

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